The Break-Up

Rejection happens. Men speak of it with disdain. Women speak of it with friends. If I speak of it at all, it's usually because I've been denied something truly important, like extra ketchup for my french fries.
In the advertising world, rejection is like those floating fuzzies in the air - always present, always hoovering, and easy to see when the sun comes out.

Unless, of course, you do your job. And, in doing so, you make sure your clients know you know how to do your job. What's the moral of this story? If you have an agency, freelancer, media guru or communications pal who is gently or obnoxiously telling you they see a bad break-up on your horizon, listen.
That's all. Don't act. Don't do everything they say. Just listen.

You might save yourself a lot of heartache. Or, at the very least, an awkward lunch date.

This is why I do the things I do.

On ExpertsColumn.com I'm $0.78 from making ten dollars since January (:
Thanks for all your help from the beginning you have made me a better writer and I still have MUCH to learn.

Allie, 7th Grader

a student from my 2011 Youth Writer's Camp

LightQuest's "Thought Particles" project

Have I mentioned lately how much I love my clients? Ohhh, they're just so cute. I just want to pinch their cheeks. But since that's incredibly inappropriate, I'll just link my latest project here.

Teri Aulph web project

Beautiful. Brilliant. Teri.

Work? What work?

I LOVE brainstorming sessions with brilliant creatives (aka KortneyKDesigns) that start with singing jingles about bologna and end with crying over Proctor and Gamble commercials.

Quote Them: don't ink

I bought a seven-dollar pen because I always lose pens and I got sick of not caring.

Mitch Hedberg

First Liberty ad

A great project with Jordan Advertising.

A line of lit: Airplane style

"There's no reason to become alarmed, and we hope you'll enjoy the rest of your flight. By the way, is there anyone on board who knows how to fly a plane? "

- Airplane, 1980

Fox picks up Oscars article

I'll call this an oldie but a goodie since it happened back in February, and I forgot to post it. Forgot your ghostwritten article got picked up by Fox Business, you say?

Yeah. I know. This is why I don't have plants.

Quote Them: a fabulous faker

It took me fifteen years to discover I had no talent for writing, but I couldn't give it up, because by that time I was too famous.

Robert Benchley

Quote Them: money by any other name

Money won't buy happiness, but it will pay the salaries of a large research staff to study the problem.

Bill Vaughan

A line of literature: Bradbury style

“We need not to be let alone. We need to be really bothered once in a while. How long is it since you were really bothered? About something important, about something real?”

― Ray Bradbury, Fahrenheit 451

Squishy gender roles

The man opened my door and then explained his actions in case it caused offense. It's come to this? Sadness. So in celebration of being wildly independent, as well as 100% female and grateful to be treated as such, I've decided to swoon periodically in public. 

This I do for all womankind.

VIDEO: Amazing transformation

What can you not do? Are you sure about that?

VIDEO: Project Dome Piece Teaser

An idea. A camera. A mermaid with a harp. It's backyard art in Tulsa with a great soundtrack. This is a group of friends who love to bike. And paint. Also, they seem to enjoy women in costume. But it works. You hang on through the four minutes with the thrill of evolution. It lasted three days and ended with hundreds stopping by to see what was stirring the air. That's creativity. So create, my friends. Create anywhere you can. In the most positive way. In color and exuberance. With a light heart and a heavy focus. Also, a live harp player helps.

The Birds Again.

I'm writing a sequel to Hitchcock's The Birds. The protagonist is a blonde female who stalks birds, instead of men, and owns a .22 cal pellet gun. Tagline: Her turn.

You sucked. Isn't it great?

This day is dedicated to all the bosses who drove their employees to start their own businesses, which stimulates the economy and provides all of us with unique services and products. You were horrible! And we thank you.

Poll: Marketing the marketing poll I'm marketing

Is your dream marketable?

"I'm a writer," I told him. He asked; I answered. Then came the inevitable did-I-hear-that-right expression. "And you get a paycheck for that?" he asked. "Nah," I said, "I just live on the land, foraging for wild berries and sleeping in trees." In between fishing streams with my feet, I do things like this.

The Feel Good Folder

It was for bad days. The flamboyantly bad ones. Black and bloody and bruised purply ones.

Not, I-got-a-spot-of-coffee-on-my-pant-leg bad days. Not even, someone-cut-me-off-in-traffic bad days. We're talking stellar bad. Rock-n-rollin' bad. Days you wished you'd gone into a career of shoveling ditches in the Arabian peninsula. 

Years ago, a beloved editor of mine taught me the virtue of a business compliment. She showed me her "atta girl" stash of cards and emails and letters. Each of them collected over her career. Each thanking her for an excellent job. Each sincere and dogeared.

"This is my Feel Good Folder," she told me one day, one vibrantly punk day, when we were both wondering about switching jobs from journalists to janitors. "Any kind of compliment, anything kind, it goes in here. Then I take it out and read it on days like this."

Though cards age, sentiment is timeless. A heartfelt "thank you" has the eternal shelf life of canned meat. Should nuclear annihilation come, the humans who rise from the ashes centuries later will still be able to fatten themselves on the potato protein and hydrolyzed soy of Vienna Sausages manufactured in the 80s.

Now that's timeless.
That's the Feel Good Folder.

Today, I discovered a lost recommendation from 2009 that is going inside my Feel Good Folder:

"I have a reputation as a 'tough sell' as, more often than not, I decline recommendation letter requests. Tara has never requested a recommendation letter from me. I sought out this opportunity. Tara is, in my opinion, a national treasure: integrity, creativity, humility, decency, personal skills, DIALECTIC INTELLECT!!!! .... Need I say more? I give Tara my HIGHEST recommendation. Call if you have questions (918) *** - ****." 

Booyah. Yummy to my tummy. I needed that. It tasted great and was less filling.

My suggestion? If you don't have a Feel Good Folder, you'll feel good about starting one. You'll feel even gooder about starting one for your employees. Keep it next to their personnel files and yank it out when they've locked themselves in the VIP bathroom. 

Slaps on the back work. Both to motivate and to dislodged processed meat.

VIDEO: Birth of a Book

Never become so dulled with technology that you forget the artistry. 

Quote them: Moonlighting mayhem

I love entertaining/odd/screwball writing wherever I find it. Even if it's in the 80s.

From one of the squiggliest scripts in the big-hair era of TV, I give you....Moonlighting:

Security Officer: I'm sorry, but you're not on the guest list.
David Addison: That's because we're not guests. We're looking for a man with a mole on his nose.
Security Officer: A mole on his nose?
Maddie Hayes: A mole on his nose.
Security Officer: [to Maddie] What kind of clothes?
Maddie Hayes: [to David] What kind of clothes?
David Addison: What kind of clothes do you suppose?
Security Officer: What kind of clothes do I suppose would be worn by a man with a mole on his nose? Who knows?
David Addison: Did I happen to mention, did I bother to disclose, that this man that we're seeking with the mole on his nose? I'm not sure of his clothes or anything else, except he's Chinese, a big clue by itself.
Maddie Hayes: How do you do that?
David Addison: Gotta read a lot of Dr. Seuss.
Security Officer: I'm sorry to say, I'm sad to report, I haven't seen anyone at all of that sort. Not a man who's Chinese with a mole on his nose with some kind of clothes that you can't suppose. So get away from this door and get out of this place, or I'll have to hurt you - put my foot in your face. 

I think of this show. Then I think of pretty much anything on the WB. Then I think of this show. Any questions?

ARTICLE: Have obstacles in life? Learn how to overcome anything here.

My new Tulsa People article is up!

It's about Pathways, a place that showed me how very few excuses I have for how very much I complain about how very little I've accomplished.

Go to Pathways.
Meet the truly successful.

"Keith Palmer is a man of many interests. He enjoys discussing current events. He remodels furniture. He sings in a choir. He loves sharing his Christian faith and making friends.
At age 3, Palmer was diagnosed with autism. Now 24, because he was born with glaucoma, he is also legally blind.
But these obstacles are not impeding Palmer’s life, thanks to family support and the Pathways faith-based program for adults with developmental disabilities, through which he participates in these activities and more."

Quote Them: Groucho, wherefore art thou, Groucho

Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.

Groucho Marx

Is your business missing this fundamental ingredient?

People, God love 'em, are great. Yes? You know I love 'em. Unless they run into me with their Wal-Mart shopping carts, then I have only lukewarm feelings.

When people have ideas and stamina and passion and gumption and charisma and heavily-gelled hair, gosh darn it if I don't get thrilled to be a part of making them successful. It's what I do. I give them a voice. I craft their words. And I rarely slip a "gosh darn" in the bunch.

I save the hick slang solely for myself.

In my fury to promote them, I forget an existential need that no business can live without, including mine: self promotion! I promote businesses for a living. Yet I fail miserably at promoting myself.

Who me? Why do you need to know about me? Or what I've been doing? Actually, maybe you do. Maybe you - yeah, I'm looking at you, not literally of course, but go with that uncomfortable thought anyway - need me.

Why? Because, like me, it's time for you to promote yourself.

Here's a mini-story to illustrate my point:

The other day, whilest sitting in the midsteth of a brilliant media client, we hit the subject of self-promotion, namely himself. In half an hour, we had brainstormed for a mutual client and he had shared with me creative ideas tipped in gold.
Oil, that is. Black gold. Texas tea.
When I asked if he shared these ideas through blogging or a newsletter or Facebook posts, he told me a line I hear so very often, "I need to, but when do I have the time?" He went on to explain how his ideas might be stellar (and they are) but communicating them effectively...well, that's a struggle. 
"Ahh," I told him, "if only you knew a great written communicator."

Do I write business copy for his clients? Yes I do! But, just like me, he focuses on them and not on himself. It never occurred to him I could help him, too. That his creative business needed a creative copywriter. That for a fraction of the time it took him, he could farm out the work and get exactly what he wanted without all the strain on his time.

He could focus on what he does best, which makes him money, while I toil away ensnaring new unsuspecting clients for him with words that can weave a spell or a decent bath mat. Partnership in heaven? That might be overselling myself a bit. Let's just say "10,000 feet above sea level" and call it good.

And what does he get? To be promoted! But with style - his. To make a carbon copy of himself, basically, and then upload writing talent into the clone and give the glob a keyboard.

That's not exactly what I am. But I'm close. I'm very, very close.

In a world top heavy with written communication - emails and Facebook statuses and blogs and texts and newsletters and tweets - it's no wonder your typing speed can't keep up.

But I can help.

When the desire for a BB Gun outweighs all else

Oh dear Lord, the birds are back. Must break now and meditate on murder.

Quote Them: Why I heart my clients

"Tara Lynn is one of the most creative people I know, which is saying a lot, because I include in that world all the people at NIKE, Inc. I worked with when I was there."

Melinda Gable,
owner of the fabulous jewelry world of BlingBlingBaubles


Melinda has great hair. This I noticed first and cannot be blamed for this. It's thick and curvy and falls like swirling cream in mocha coffee.

Secondly, however, I noticed her frankness. It was refreshing and solid. None of that perfumed chitchat about her. The woman is a gust of passionate air, listing this way or that but always forward. Always toward a more evolved idea, a more grounded foothold, a wealth of sassy angles on productive ideas.

We met at a small table among the coffee smells and window light of Panera Bread. And there is where we brainstormed.

This is what I call my consulting sessions: brainstorms. I believe truly great ideas come from truly great tennis matches. Or playing catch. Or - if you prefer to avoid the sports analogies - hot potato. That's when I sit with you. And we put it all on the table. Everything. All the good, the bad, and the Clint Eastwood references. Then we toss it all back and forth, shaking through all the grit and sand and pebbles until only the gold nuggets remain.

We comb through them hair by hair. Together. And finding those few fine strands, those strongest threads, I help you build an empire. Or at least a really great head of hair. Like Melinda.

Trust me, everyone wants Melinda's hair.

As a business owner or sole proprietor, you have many options in front of you. Bottomless, at times. But what works? Which to try? Or is there an even better option out there? How can you best spend what marketing capital you do have? And what will bring the greatest results?

When every dollar counts, trial and error is simply not an option. You need what works. And then you need it to do just that quickly: work!

I can help you bring down the noise. Simplify and clarify. And, in the end, you'll know exactly where to go, how to get there, and with ideas you never considered.

Your marketing strategy should not only work, it should suit you. It should feel right. Not always comfortable, but always fitted to your personality and your business. It should even be...wait for it...fun.

If you are on the verge of greatness, but with marketing and directional obstacles standing in your way, I can help. Contact me today for a brainstorming session and start tomorrow on a marketing strategy that fits...precisely.

What makes you weak in the knees?

She doesn't have a name, though I think she looks like a Gertrude. Then again, I think a lot of females look like Gertrude.

Born less than a week ago, Gertrude introduced herself to my ankles yesterday. I was visiting one of my favorite farms and she was getting use to life. We hung out and shot the breeze about our mutual love of milk.

Gertrude doesn't have much to talk about. At least not yet. Five days of life isn't a long time to have formed too many opinions, though she does think the national debt situation is ludicrous.

What Gertrude did have practice doing, however, is falling. She performed it masterfully. And often. She stepped. And wobbled. Stepped. And shook. Stepped. And vibrated daintily at the knees, a sure sign of she'll do a fabulous curtsy when being courted.

Fell, she did. A few times. Fighting off the pull of that vibrating ground, Gertrude would, nonetheless, collapse in a pile of legs and shocked eyes, always giving an expression as if to say, "Why does this keep happening? I try so hard."

Then she would try hard again.

I couldn't help but admire her resolve and lean thighs. If only I had both. One more than the other. No, the other one.

Though walking was anything but surefooted and stable, she went at it constantly, stopping here and there for a head pat or a belly rub. She's a determined little thing. Gertrudes often are. It's hard to know if she's avoided the cynical approach because of her inexperience, her personal drive, or her pointed nose. Any and all could be responsible. 

Today I found myself wondering where I'd walk if, at each step, the ground hammered out "Flight of the Bumblebee" beneath me. Isn't that just a typical day? Maybe. Often feels that way. For Gertrude it is. For me, however, if given a choice I seek ground without rhythm.

What does that mean? It means procrastinating a prospective client pitch, contentedly nursing my current networks, writing what I already know and only peering from a distance at what I don't, choosing what I can do instead of what I might, sitting on my derriere instead of wobbling on my legs.

One position might take a while to see progress, but progress will come. The other is sitting on your butt. I'll leave you to determine how much progress will come from that.

Neither great choices. But choices rarely are anything close to great. If one was, we wouldn't need the other.

It's possible that Gertrude is simply a baby. A cute one. And had no lesson to teach. Then again, in her innocence and optimism, maybe she had one crucial thing absolutely right. Perhaps it's time to find out what makes us weak in the knees. Then run, even wobbly, toward it.

It's what Gertrude would do.

Entrepreneurs: Any ideas on unloading that backpack?

This looks onerous. Poor Sam. I feel for him. Wait...I AM him.

Entrepreneur? Check.
Tax burdened? Check.
Stick figure? Not today.

So we have a few things to differentiate us, like I have stronger thigh muscles. Strike that. I have thigh muscles. It doesn't, however, aid in that uphill climb. Every year, as per the year I started working for myself, I have a tax burden over my head that never vanishes.

I've tried paying it. But it only comes back around.
I've tried shooing if off with a broom. But hairy rodents don't scare easy.

It never goes away. I get it paid barely in time to pay it again. Over and over again I take out my checkbook, scratch out a number that should be going toward my mortgage or my vehicle repairs or my business future, and send it to the government never to be seen or heard from again.

That's the life of an American who creates their own income.

Yes. It can be done.
No. It is not easy.
Stop. Talking if you've never been self-employed.

We, the risk takers of the country, are dogged from daylight to dusk to "share" our wealth. Believe me, if I had wealth, I'd have no problem sharing it...with organizations and people of my choosing. Why? Because it's my money. And I've earned every single penny.

Understand me fully, please. I work for myself because I love it. And because welfare sounds dreadful. My clients are stellar. My work is challenging. My schedule is my own. Sort of.

This is what I was created to do. To be on my own. To face the wind and walk against it. To carve out a place for myself, even if that means one divot of a foothold at a time. Besides, I suck as an employee. Truly. Suck.

Here, among the rolling hills and stick-tights of self-employment, I survive best. But it certainly isn't due to a supportive government. It's in spite of them. (Which makes no sense since they reap the rewards of my success. You don't bite the hand that pays your taxes.) I survive because God deems it so. Because a repressive government hasn't beaten me yet. Because I'm just stubborn that way.

But how long? (shoulder shrug) That's a question all entrepreneurs live with. That's a question we wake up with in the morning and tuck into bed with us at night. And then it steals the covers.

If, at any time, you hear a non-job creator touting the moral high ground of shared wealth, introduce them to Sam. He's the one making their world possible. When he refuses to get back up again, no one gets back up.

That's a lot of responsibility for a cartoon.

VIDEO: Bueller...Bueller...Bueller

This SuperBowl Commerical will do one of two things: bring back fond memories or tick you off at messing up your fond memories. Either may or may not increase the likelihood you'll purchase a Honda CR-V. But isn't it fun to try?

Here's Broderick as Broderick in the spirit of Bueller:

Can nostalgia sell cars?

During my test drive the other night, my handwriting analysis/salesman said no, right after assuring my friend Kristin, testing driving from the backseat, that this -

- might return. But the wood-paneling would not.

The Unsalesman: a new twist

Come for the Jeeps. Stay for the handwriting analysis.

A new marketing angle?

Not exactly. But it worked. And, in business, shouldn't we do anything - legitimately, that is - if it works?

Here's the back story: I was roaming the South Point Chrysler Jeep Dodge dealership late one evening. This was after I'd dropped my own vehicle off at the service station and before my ride had arrived. I knew I shouldn't look at the new Jeeps. You don't frequent bakeries when on a low-carb diet, either. But I did it anyway.

Dain found me near a crimson beauty. Four doors and all for me. She hummed at me. I heard her. When he asked me if I wanted to take her for a test drive, I did the responsible thing and refused.

Yeah right.

If she hummed sitting idly, she sang like a siren on the highway.

When we returned, Dain offered to get me some numbers for me to obsess and wallow and fixate over, although he phrased it as "think about". That's when, as I began filling out the paperwork, he told me about his hobby of handwriting analysis. Hobby? I needed to see this.

With a sheet of paper and a scratchy pen, I scribbled out a page of blather and turned it over to him. From two paragraphs he could see that I:

- deeply valued my personal space
- generally hid my emotions
- could, at times, be quite gullible
- had a general optimistic tone
- nearly always went my own way
- valued physical things, from the outdoors to physical health
- and, once making up my mind, stuck to it.

"You got that from two paragraphs?" I've had lifelong friends know less.

My accidental wandering had actually led to a unique, memorable experience. Why? Because he had me not focusing on my finances but instead focusing on myself. Was this his sale's technique? His marketing mojo? To get the customer thinking about the customer, and then get that customer thinking about the customer and his product.
And then marry them.

My personal space would fit nicely inside that new Jeep.

Had he thrown in a cup of fresh fruit, I would have signed the papers and indebted myself with glee. It was quite remarkable. Testing driving a vehicle had gone from a technical experience to a personal journey.

It works for Dain. That's him marketing himself, whether he realizes it or not. It carved a niche. How can you forget a car salesman with a shtick like that?

Answer: You don't.

LinkedIn Polls: Do they need to make sense?

I answered it. Even commented on it. All before I realized it contradicted itself.

Is the electric car , the car of the future? Is there another way?

When reviewing the answers, I couldn't pinpoint mine. Who knew how I answered, which makes this poll scientifically sound.

Oh, those questions are tricky....with their open ended mystery and lascivious punctuation marks. When using them in your marketing copy, make sure they are facing the same direction.

So, in hindsight, is there a way to answer this doublespeak poll question? Or is there another way?

Trailer VIDEO: Monumental

Hmmm....

During a youth writing class last summer, a very talented, and equally stubborn, 13-year-old argued her case against history. Specifically, she argued a visit to a museum I had scheduled to take my class that afternoon.

Her arguments?
It's boring.
It isn't interactive.
No entertainment value.

We debated the validity of her claims (I asked her if she believed the bombing of Pearl Harbor was a rather dull story, or if there was simply nothing stirring about Titanic - both major motion pictures). Eventually, she relented to go, especially after I asked her if movies, those great bastions of education, where interactive. And, if so, how theater management felt about her running her hands all over the projector screen.

"You're saying I need to learn to like it," she said.
"I'm saying you've never really experienced it," I answered.

When we arrived, I challenged her to absorb the stories around her. To use it to build upon her writing. To take it in and make it part of who she was, who she would be. To recognize the priceless worth of the stories being told. 

When we left, she pulled me aside, her eyes wonderfully overwhelmed. "I never saw history like that before," she said. "I just never saw it. I'll never look at a museum the same again."

That, my friends, is getting a sweet drip of history on the tongue. And realizing it's far sweeter than imagined.

VIDEO: Can this car commercial boost your business?

Finally. Old men are about to have their day.

They've been patient. Waiting. Holding all those stories to themselves, waiting for the day we sat down on the floor around their feet and turned our ears back to listen.

Meanwhile, our marketing has gone wide and thin. Instead of taking a potential client deep, we took them long. That meant quick Tweets and fluctuating Facebook posts, tossed out like seed in the wind. They spread far, while often never burying much beyond the top soil.

Now Audi has been the first to step up and ask Grandpa to tell us a story. Does it work?

Here's how Michael Staires accurately put it:

Back in 2005, Daniel Pink told us it would happen. He said that the future would belong to the storytellers. I'll bet even ten years ago if the creative director walked into the Audi boardroom and told the directors that he wanted to do a series of ads based on Herman Melville's "Moby Dick," with no references to horsepower or fuel economy or even plush leather seats or stereo system they would have fired him on the spot. How can you sell cars without extolling the features of the car?

You tell a story. That's how.

What can we learn from this? A few things:

1. Moby Dick is a classic.
2. Pretty boys may have outlived their selling power.
3. Audi is a marketing genius.

A good story will get attention every time. Extra emphasis on "good".

It needs to appeal, to enchant, it needs to promote while not selling. It also needs to entertain. If you aren't having fun with your marketing campaign, neither are your potential customers. What we call "professional", which subconsciously we really mean "dry, boring, plainly conveyed, and safe" is often a mistake we make out of fear of trying something new, something no one's seen before, something some will love and others will not. It's a gamble!

But it'll get attention. And the story, even more than glitz, glitter, and online neon, still gets attention.

So what do you do if you don't have a budget for videos? Ah. I'm so glad you asked. You create a newsletter campaign so dynamic, so enthralling, it's a one-page page turner.

If only there was a business copywriter who believed that "business is people and people are stories". Where oh where does one find such a writer?

Tough Job. His. Not mine.

Sat in on a photo shoot with client Mark Sherwood of 4E Fitness at Don Kreutzweiser photography. Was exhausting sitting in that swivel chair watching Mark do pushups. I'm going to be sore tomorrow.

Quote Them: Ah, Lil.

I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.

Lily Tomlin

99 Ways to Improve Your Thinking

To think better, or even at all, Eddie Morra took a pill.

It worked. Sort of. In Limitless, Morra's skills in critical thinking, observation and problem solving increased, as did his overall troubles. For a chemically-enhanced smart guy, he was mournfully clueless.

So that's one option. Pharmaceuticals. Make sure you read the warning label.

Or, there's one possibility your liver will sit up and kiss you for, as creepy as that might be. And that's creative writing. 

It's great for witty Facebook posts, snazzy Tweets, and that dusty unfinished novel. What many don't realize is that it is also an unheralded, even hushed, protein-serum for the brain. In fact, The University of Georgia now requires all students to pass two Critical Thinking through Writing courses to obtain their bachelor's degree. No matter the major.

What do they know that the public doesn't?

That creative writing is the simplest, surest, as a writer I must also say the most entertaining, technique for critical thinking. It's like Jazzercize for the mind. Or, if you're partial to the Latin culture, Zumba.

During my 99 Ways to Improve Your Creative Writing class, you'll learn how to shake up your mental lags, to razor-wire your observations, to rocket yourself to a new terrain, to see things no one else does, while also discovering an arsenal you didn't know you possessed and the ability to shoot with precision.

Each Thursday night in February, we'll spend two hours learning these techniques and creative writing boons. You'll realize that fresh ideas aren't only for the few creatives in the world. They are available to all.

It starts with learning the technique to step outside of your thinking limitations. Strike that. There are no thinking limitations. With creative writing techniques, you can be limitless.

Enroll now! The class closes in a few days. Contact TCC, 918.595.7200.